I'm Not Quite Ready

Just when I was happy
Just when I thought things were finally going my way
Just when I thought I had the world in my hand that day
BAMM!!
Wrong again!
I can't let go, I can't walk away, I can't say goodbye to you today.
I'm not quite ready, I'm not quite there but yet there you are standing there...
You said those things, you can't take them back, you made your bed
and now both of us will lack.
I was never ever consulted, never even warned
right before my world crashed at my door.
You had a feeling, you had a thought and now she knows and I am all but lost.

As usual, there are a few things on my mind. A few people in my life that I hold very close to my heart have given me some things to think about. I thought that I knew what makes me happy, but as events unfold, it seems that I do not know myself very well at all. I am surprised by where I find happiness and what that means about me and what I need. Perhaps what I am searching for is more of a state of grace within myself than a manifestation of it in another, and the patience, forgiveness, and understanding that I am slowly adopting (Rome wasn't built in a day people) is making it easier to love it all.

People from my past

I've been thinking lately of people I've met along the way
I get lost in thought and think, I wonder what they are doing today
I miss some of them still so much it hurts inside.
Friends who said they would be there forever and left before the ink was dry
I wonder what my life would be if these people had never hurt me
I think to myself I am a better person today for knowing them and knowing who they would turn out to be in the end.
I look at old pictures of them and realize that they are happy now and I am too
but still...
I think to myself what if we would have been friends and it would have all been true.

Quotes

A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to DO something about them NOW. Not tomorrow. Not next week. TODAY!

Sometimes we make people out to be more than they are, more than they were, and more than they will ever hope to be in our minds.

It is not REAL if they don't respect you, if they don't call you when they should, and if they don't care enough to say the things they should

Don't just stand there and day dream! FOLLOW that dream and see where it leads. You'll never know if you never TRY.

You tempt me with your soft kisses, grab me with your soft caress and pull me in with everything I have left.

Sometimes you just got to say whatevers on your mind and go with it, no matter what!

There's a difference between love & like,wrong and right. Never run if you're going to look back, & never forgive if your not ready to forget.

My heart can't take it anymore
My head never wins
I want to run and hide and play a game with my heart
I want to hide from you so you won't hurt me again
Alas, my heart won't allow it
I give in all the time
to your foolish games and a bit of your time

Getting Healthy

I always talk about sticking to a fitness plan and working on getting healthy and I never stick too it. I thought if I wrote a post about it, it might help me stay motivated.
Its crazy because when I go workout I am all happy and confident in myself so why not go? Why be lazy? I really have no excuse. Also I seem to have a addiction to making myself misreble. I eat and eat thinking that I am going to feel better about a situation but inevitably it never happens. I just end up feeling worse. SO>>>
You are my witnesses, I will start today to follow the five goals I have set for myself and see if I can get to it and get heathy witch means staying healthy. I don't want to diet. DIETS DON"T WORK. I just want to make better food and recreational choices in order to lead a better productive life.
Here I go My five goals are:
1. Start excercising at least 3x a week which means excercising till I break a sweat.
2. Watch what I eat. Don't get fast food or unhealthy food just because its convenient. Care about the choices I make for my body.
3. Drink at least 10 glasses of water a day. Yes 10 because it will help curb my appetite for food. Sometimes I am just thirsty and not actually hungry.
4. THIS IS A BIG ONE!! Don't let my emotions decide what I am going to eat!!!
5. Always be positive with myself. I will be able to do this. I can get healthy. Little steps are the key to my health.

Lost

I am so very lost right now, I can barely find my way
I search for the strength to find my way away from you
but nothing seems to change.
The disrespect is crazy, the fact that I am still here unchanged
is a reflection of how I see my self worth.
Inside I know I deserve better, for the chance to start again
but each time I tell myself I"ll say goodbye
I just end up starting again.
This pain seems never ending, the lies they pile up
You seem to not even notice the hurt you cause with every passing moment.
I try to tell myself I will be strong one day,
I'll hang around till that day and hope that you will change.
You fill me with your lies, you fill me with your untruths
for the chance to laugh at you is all I want to do.
Alas, for the time being I will stay but one day you will look around
and wonder "hey where is that girl I once loved, where is the soft brown eyes I want to touch"
I will be gone, I will be with someone new.
Someone who respects me, but definately not you.